Forbidden Grief

I should be blow drying my hair and getting pretty for when Lucky gets home... but I have to get this out of me.

I know so many women who are hurt be decisions they have made in the past.  One being abortion.  I am Pro Life.  I will not argue my stance, but at the same time I have a heart for those who have been hurt by abortion.  Not just the babies but the women and men as well.

I had a religious friend post a picture that said "Abortion does not make you unpregnant.  It makes you the mother of a dead baby."  Ouch.  That hurts me.

Because she is a devout Christian, I thought I could explain that.  I told her there are many women who were misinformed or naive to what was going on.  That her post just twisted the knife that has been stuck in them. She told me that it wasn't aimed at them but the Pro-Choice people.  But those aren't the only ones reading it.  I told her we should be careful that our words might hurt others and try to be compassionate.  That sparked a heated debate full of condemnation in the name of my God.

I was seventeen.  I was about to leave for the Navy.  A pregnancy would change my plans.  Being the responsible, irresponsible child I was, I went to planned parenthood to get my next dose of birth control.  I wasn't late or showing any signs, just trying to be smart about being stupid.  The Dr. asked when the last time I had sex was.  I told her and she handed me a pill.  "We need you to be on your period to give you your shot.  If you are pregnant it will not hurt the baby.  If you aren't then it will start your period."

Come to find out you do not have to be on your period.  Come to find out that pill was (at the time) the leading abortion pill in Europe.  Come to find out it kills 40,000 women a year from hemorrhaging.  I have never bled like that in my life.  I thought I was going to die.

I do not think I was pregnant.  I do not think I had an abortion.  If I was and if I did, I was tricked.  For years I lived with the guilt of what if.  What if I killed my baby?  If there was a baby, the Dr. at Planned Parenthood abused a young girls trust.  She abused her power.  She took my child.  But that is all what if.

As Christians we need to be careful what we say.  We might have good motives, but  we need to make sure that our words and actions reflect grace, not condemnation.  We are the ones who form peoples opinions of a "loving God" or a "hateful God".  We are his voice in this world.  I am sorry that I have not been  better one.

For those of you who have been hurt one way or another by abortion, please read this:  Sarah Mae's Story

It is one of the most beautiful things I have ever read.  You are loved.  You are forgiven.  You are NOT damned.

There is always hope.