I am not who I will be

Hope should always defeat jadedness.  I was working on my "Mommy Mission Statement" (I feel like a ham) and I read one that made me choke.  I felt her emotions when I read it.

"To embrace this season of my life as a blessing, while my children are young and I am still their whole world."
Kids are tough.

Having a brilliant three year old can be exasperating.  He is everything I dreamed of and more.  He defines his name and goes above and beyond.  I can not put into words how much he is to me.  I wish I could just send out the feeling of my heart to him.  I wish he could feel the love and know it is unconditional.  He has been through it all with me.  He is my soul.

Having an active and teething 10 (almost 11) month old can me mentally and physically debilitating.  Her smile can light up the room.  She was my almost lost dream.  She is so incredibly pure and loving.  She (thank God) is not defined by her first name, but her middle name describes everything about her.  Beautiful.  She is my heart and made by the purest love.

I work and am working so hard to make things great for them.  I invest in learning resources and fun things for Owens imagination.  I try to make the home beautiful for them and cook good meals.  All the wile I forget about them.  I get so focused on what I want/need to do for them that I forget about them.

I will not let this make me feel like a failure.  It is a lesson.  Let the laundry wait.  The table can be cleaned later.  And yes, I will tell you the story of the Three Little Pigs for the umpteenth time today.

I love you.  So very much.  You exceed my hopes and dreams more than I knew possible.  You darlings, taught me how beautiful life really is and how real love can be.


So, I am not blind, I know I don't have any "followers" (however if you want to subscribe so these go to your RSS feed/email, you are more than welcome) but if you guys are watching and interested in my journey and maybe wanting to tweak a few things yourself, here are the Resources I am using:

Frumps To Pumps AND Having a Martha House the Mary Way by Sarah Mae. These are awesome books.  Short sweet and full of character.  She is an amazing author and so motivational yet down to earth.  She inspires me.

21 Days to a More Disciplined Life by Money Saving Mom.  Her website is amazing.  Lucky and I read it daily... Or I read it and we talk about it.  I adore her also.  I will talk more about her later.

Maximize Your Mornings and Mission Statements for Moms are by Inspired to Action.  She also has a prayer calendar for your husband and one also for your kids.  I have printed those out also.

It seems like a lot.  But there are a lot of areas I want to work on.  All of these are written by Christian women so as you are working on time management, the house or being a better mom you are also getting a does of the big Guy.  That is where I am at right now.  If anyone is interested in doing this with me, let me know and we can figure out a place to start!

Perfectly Flawed

I strive for perfection.  The hardest thing I deal with is feeling like a failure.  There is always that voice whispering, "You forgot this." or "You didn't do it right/ enough".  I hate that voice.  It eats at me.  It picks apart  my soul.  I read a book called Core Lies and I do recommend it.

Now don't get me wrong, there are some flaws of mine that I kinda like.  My teeth aren't perfect but I like how they fit my face and they are really nice for not having braces.  I snort when I laugh.  I didn't like it at first but my husband adores it (weird huh) and from seeing his face I have grown to love it.  Sometimes the zipper sized stretch marks upset me, but I earned my stripes.  I have two AMAZING babies.  We are all perfectly flawed in some way or another.  There are some "flaws" that are great for us.  They make us unique and lovable.

I know my weaknesses in life.  I am blessed that they are the opposite of Lucky's.  I think, in life, we should look to surround ourselves with people who's strengths are our weaknesses.  I have done well at that...  But that is where my core lie comes in.  Two of the Ladies I know out here neat freaks.  Their house always is perfect when you come over.  Kids and all.  Not mine.  My house is clean but there will always be a crumpled uniform somewhere in the main living space.  Toys will be out and my craft stuff.  It will never be perfect.

Yesterday was a very hard day.  Owen's Dad called about some stuff, Cammy was teething and let me tell you... she is hard to be around and poor Owen was stuck in the middle.  We only have two weeks till we move in and I want stuff packed.  When we moved out here we only had half the apartment packed when we got the Uhal.  A lot of stuff ended up donated.  I don't want to procrastinate this time.  I got the two closets packed, craft stuff and the medicine cabinet.  It is a good amount between two kids not napping, but I should have gotten more done.  I was overwhelmed by the time Lucky got home and had gone out to the garage.  Let me tell you it was gross.  It looked like a hoarder vomited in there.

Travis came and helped Lucky with the garage as I worked on the shed while makin dinner and trying to keep Cammy from killing someone.  Owen was having fun digging through the "treasures" and being the Hulk.  I wanted to cry.  I was a mess.  Cammy was a mess.  The house was a mess.  I was failing and I just couldn't figure out how to stop.  Then Lucky came over.

"So some of the guys were talking about you in the shop today."

Oh Great.  I like the fact my hubby brags about me but after that old modeling pic going viral and the fact that I know some of these guys... I am worried what he is going to say.

"They all agreed that you are pretty much the perfect wife."

What?!?  Where did that come from!?!  He said something about me being easy to talk to and how I am pretty much one of the guys then he mentioned how they said I was supportive.  Had these goofy fly boys actually noticed how hard I try?  Was I really doing something right?

Sometimes we need a wake-up call.  I will fail.  I will have days like yesterday where I want to run into the mountains and hide/cry.  But there is always someone who sees what you don't see.  There is always someone cheering for you.  I did something right.  I made my husband proud.  We are all perfectly flawed and it is as it should be.

The Power of Spoken Blessings

Life just keeps going.  It is overwhelming and amazing at the same time.

I said 2012 would be a blessed year for our family and it has been.  I don't know where to start.

Owen is just amazing.  Period.  We have our days and more often than not, Lucky and I feel like there is so much more we should be doing, but he is still the best little guy I know.  He is everything and more than I could have ever hoped.

Cammy is getting so big.  She is such a happy and sweet little girl.  Her big brother and Daddy are the most amazing men EVER as far as she is concerned.  She is already taking steps on her own.  She brings me so much joy.

Lucky somehow steals more of my heart each day.  I never new I could love someone other than my own children so much.  He is my world and the love of my life.  It keeps getting better.  I am so very in love.

We have friends

We have love

We have been blessed

And now we are buying a house.

Words have power.  Speak blessings and be blessed by your words.