I strive for perfection. The hardest thing I deal with is feeling like a failure. There is always that voice whispering, "You forgot this." or "You didn't do it right/ enough". I hate that voice. It eats at me. It picks apart my soul. I read a book called Core Lies and I do recommend it.
Now don't get me wrong, there are some flaws of mine that I kinda like. My teeth aren't perfect but I like how they fit my face and they are really nice for not having braces. I snort when I laugh. I didn't like it at first but my husband adores it (weird huh) and from seeing his face I have grown to love it. Sometimes the zipper sized stretch marks upset me, but I earned my stripes. I have two AMAZING babies. We are all perfectly flawed in some way or another. There are some "flaws" that are great for us. They make us unique and lovable.
I know my weaknesses in life. I am blessed that they are the opposite of Lucky's. I think, in life, we should look to surround ourselves with people who's strengths are our weaknesses. I have done well at that... But that is where my core lie comes in. Two of the Ladies I know out here neat freaks. Their house always is perfect when you come over. Kids and all. Not mine. My house is clean but there will always be a crumpled uniform somewhere in the main living space. Toys will be out and my craft stuff. It will never be perfect.
Yesterday was a very hard day. Owen's Dad called about some stuff, Cammy was teething and let me tell you... she is hard to be around and poor Owen was stuck in the middle. We only have two weeks till we move in and I want stuff packed. When we moved out here we only had half the apartment packed when we got the Uhal. A lot of stuff ended up donated. I don't want to procrastinate this time. I got the two closets packed, craft stuff and the medicine cabinet. It is a good amount between two kids not napping, but I should have gotten more done. I was overwhelmed by the time Lucky got home and had gone out to the garage. Let me tell you it was gross. It looked like a hoarder vomited in there.
Travis came and helped Lucky with the garage as I worked on the shed while makin dinner and trying to keep Cammy from killing someone. Owen was having fun digging through the "treasures" and being the Hulk. I wanted to cry. I was a mess. Cammy was a mess. The house was a mess. I was failing and I just couldn't figure out how to stop. Then Lucky came over.
"So some of the guys were talking about you in the shop today."
Oh Great. I like the fact my hubby brags about me but after that old modeling pic going viral and the fact that I know some of these guys... I am worried what he is going to say.
"They all agreed that you are pretty much the perfect wife."
What?!? Where did that come from!?! He said something about me being easy to talk to and how I am pretty much one of the guys then he mentioned how they said I was supportive. Had these goofy fly boys actually noticed how hard I try? Was I really doing something right?
Sometimes we need a wake-up call. I will fail. I will have days like yesterday where I want to run into the mountains and hide/cry. But there is always someone who sees what you don't see. There is always someone cheering for you. I did something right. I made my husband proud. We are all perfectly flawed and it is as it should be.