It has been a while since I have written anything on here. I keep thinking of great posts... but I get side tracked by the kids or house.
Since Cammy has been born, I have started making all our own cleaning products. I have to say that I feel great about it. Because of the way we are raised, the chemical smell of cleaning products smells "clean" to us. It has been an adjustment to walk out of a bath room after cleaning it and not smelling Comet (I will admit that I love Comet). However, despite the lack of smell, it feels better. I know if Owen decides to lick the toilet (please God, no!) after I clean it. he wont have any crazy chemicals floating around to make him sick. I like being able to touch my and not worry about the bleach or chemicals on my hands. It is nice to know everything is clean. Another perk is that I can add any essential oil so my products smell how ever I wish them to.
As I have said before, a glorious friend of mine gave us some awesome cloth diapers for Cammy. I wanted to use cloth for Owen... but I didn't know where to start. All the different kinds and information can be overwhelming. I just took the advice of a smart woman and have not looked back. We have not had one blow out or one diaper rash! If you have kids, you know blow outs are a part of life with disposables. Owen was the king. The cloth diapers are (in my opinion) more convenient. The Dollar Tree carried diaper trash bags so really changing and taking them with you is not a problem in public. I don't have a separate diaper bag for them. I just roll them up, tie the plastic baggy and am good to go. Granted, I do a load of laundry for diapers every day, but we make our own laundry detergent for dirt cheap (that works amazing and our clothes smell great!).
After making what seems to be big changes- but were actually very easy- we are looking forward to some new changes in this new year. I asked Lucky what he thought about switching to "family cloth".
"I have wiped with silk boxers before and it was amazing. Why not?"
I still have more research to do about it, but I like the idea. The diapers come out stain free and clean so why wouldn't wipes? Plus we wouldn't have to worry about the kids using too much ad the toilet getting clogged. And it will save money.
Another thing we plan on doing is making our own soaps. I like the idea of knowing what is in our soaps. Lucky likes the chemistry aspect of it all. The idea of making pretty and natural soaps is awesome. Plus, since moving to Nevada and my last pregnancy, my skin has been a mess. Time to fix this.
We also are looking forward to making our own herb garden for medicinal and cleaning uses. I have almost finished my aromatherapy course and will be starting my herbalist course soon. I think "Celtic Pride Apothecary" sounds nice.
Any who (lol) I need to get back to cleaning. This was a weak post, but I wanted to get something in here. If you guys have any questions or suggestions- just comment or email me :)
2011 is coming to an end.
I haven't updated this blog in quite some time. I feel almost guilty posting again because I know I won’t be writing anything that will still be a profound lesson to myself later on. There are so many topics I want to touch on. So many things I want to write to reread and remind myself... but for now I will write about this year.
“In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.”
Robert Frost
Robert Frost
This has been a year of blessings and breaking. So many beautiful things happened. I know the first two things will sound rushed for whoever doesn't know the background story but here I go: After almost three years, I was finally granted a divorce. I married the most amazing man I know, then he was taken away from us. Lucky started working at a new command. Owen and I led a gypsy life till *again* the courts decided our fate. Owen and I were granted freedom as long as I left him with Eric for seven weeks. Owen, Lucky and I are still dealing with the wounds that opened. We set up our first home as husband and wife in Fallon, NV. Our beautiful Camryn was born. Every day with her has been a blessing. We got Owen back and are now trying to build the trust (that we won't abandon him) back with him. And finally, we added a puppy named Finn to our family. There are probably more things in between all that but those are the big ones.
“Action and reaction, ebb and flow, trial and error, change - this is the rhythm of living. Out of our over-confidence, fear; out of our fear, clearer vision, fresh hope. And out of hope, progress.”
Bruce Barton
Bruce Barton
Lucky and I have both personally had to deal with a lot this year mentally and emotionally. His personal issues are his and not for me to talk about. However, I have no shame and find writing therapeutic. I struggled with postpartum depression for a while after Cammy was born. It is something that really affected my family. I tried medicine. I tried talk therapy. Nothing seemed to help. A week with Lucky’s Grandma in Hawthorne snapped me out of it.
Lucky’s new command has also affected our family. It is a different way of life out here. The hours are longer than sea duty and there is no “community” within the military families that I have found. It has been a lonely life the last few months. Lucky and I have both slipped and this past weekend we have made a plan to bring ourselves back up and to the happy family we use to be.
The hardest adjustment, I think, has been with Owen. While we were in Virginia he went through a panic when Lucky has to leave for Nevada before us. I had to reassure him that we would see him again and Mommy wasn’t going anywhere. Every night he cried for his “Pops” and Roxy. It was a hard time for all of us.
When the court decided that we had custody of Owen and that we could leave, I was amazed but devastated. For months I had promised Owen Mommy would never leave him and then the courts told me to leave him with Eric for seven weeks. SEVEN! That is a lifetime for a two year old.
When we got him back he was a different child. It has been devastating. He would flinch if we walked toward him when he was in trouble. He would have screaming fits. He can’t sleep. He had panic attacks when Lucky or I would leave the house- even to go on the deck and smoke.
Now, we have almost gotten him back to the happy child he was. Now, he has to go back to Eric’s. The other night he was talking with his father on Skype. He said something about Owen staying with him again and Owen had a meltdown. He screamed, cried, and begged for me not to send him. He promised to be a good boy. It was heart breaking. It wasn’t until his father said something about “grandpas four wheeler” that Owen calmed down. Later that night he asked Lucky to be his Daddy so he could stay with us, Cammy, Roxy and Finn. How do you answer that question?
How do you handle that situation?
“All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.”
Anatole France
Anatole France
2011 has been a year to remember. 2012 will be better. Lucky and I are journaling and setting goals for our family. We are planning on going to marital counseling and family counseling to try and help with all the major life changes. We are going to have Owen evaluated and hopefully the visitation changed. We plan on finding a church and going as a family. We plan on starting school and bettering ourselves as best we can.
2012 will be a blessed year for our family.
Like the Crow chasing the butterfly
I would love to say I am the butterfly; beautiful, needed, wanted and out of touch. I am not. I would love to be egotistical and say I am. There are plenty of people who put me on a pedestal to be, but alas I am the Crow. Intelligent, can speak wonders when coaxed and cast aside. I am the one chasing the beauty.
Soul searching. The ever changing path. I am always looking to know myself, and always finding something new. I admit I married Eric for the wrong reasons. I have never given myself 100 percent to anyone. I find the concept absolutely terrifying. To give yourself means to sacrifice, to allow someone to possible dominate you, and to allow someone to take care of you. I am a very selfish person. I am a control freak. I hate acknowledging my weaknesses.
(DISCLAIMER: There are many wonderful qualities about my ex. I am not trying to insult him or any part of him by my next statements.)
Now, what I am about to say will be egotistical. However, I know my pros and cons. I also know my limits. I made a list (I think my Mom has) of what I needed in a man. I married beneath me. Now by me saying that I am not saying anything about my ex. I married below my standards of what I knew I needed. Yes, he fit a few of the points I made on my list. However, he did not fit the bill.
By marrying beneath me I was playing it safe. I wouldn’t have to worry about conforming to anything. I was set. I thought it would make me the strong one. I wouldn’t be challenged. By going beneath my standards I had to bend. By bending I broke. I can’t explain how someone I didn’t give 100% to could, but he broke me. He pointed out when I left him that he did. It haunts me. He told me he ruined me. He came close to it. I almost lost myself in those two and a half years. I had to bend so much I lost my luster, my wit, my speech. I became an empty shell of everything people had loved about me. I shut down.
It has been almost a year since I left him. I have almost had a year to recover. A year to soul search. Who am I now, and who was I? What will I become? What have I lost? I have found some amazing friends in the last year. I have renewed some old friendships. I am rebuilding. I am fighting every day to come back to life.
I have started building a list. A list of songs people have said reminded them of me. A list of kind things people have said about me. A list of love. It is not meant for my vanity. I feel almost like I have amnesia. I had past letters from friends and lovers I had kept. I got rid of them when I got married. I wish I wouldn’t have. The words, even though the emotions are gone, are still beautiful.
Cannibals eat the people they respect. They consume the person to gain the attributes they want. I am the Crow chasing the Butterfly. When I catch her, I will be beautiful.
Soul searching. The ever changing path. I am always looking to know myself, and always finding something new. I admit I married Eric for the wrong reasons. I have never given myself 100 percent to anyone. I find the concept absolutely terrifying. To give yourself means to sacrifice, to allow someone to possible dominate you, and to allow someone to take care of you. I am a very selfish person. I am a control freak. I hate acknowledging my weaknesses.
(DISCLAIMER: There are many wonderful qualities about my ex. I am not trying to insult him or any part of him by my next statements.)
Now, what I am about to say will be egotistical. However, I know my pros and cons. I also know my limits. I made a list (I think my Mom has) of what I needed in a man. I married beneath me. Now by me saying that I am not saying anything about my ex. I married below my standards of what I knew I needed. Yes, he fit a few of the points I made on my list. However, he did not fit the bill.
By marrying beneath me I was playing it safe. I wouldn’t have to worry about conforming to anything. I was set. I thought it would make me the strong one. I wouldn’t be challenged. By going beneath my standards I had to bend. By bending I broke. I can’t explain how someone I didn’t give 100% to could, but he broke me. He pointed out when I left him that he did. It haunts me. He told me he ruined me. He came close to it. I almost lost myself in those two and a half years. I had to bend so much I lost my luster, my wit, my speech. I became an empty shell of everything people had loved about me. I shut down.
It has been almost a year since I left him. I have almost had a year to recover. A year to soul search. Who am I now, and who was I? What will I become? What have I lost? I have found some amazing friends in the last year. I have renewed some old friendships. I am rebuilding. I am fighting every day to come back to life.
I have started building a list. A list of songs people have said reminded them of me. A list of kind things people have said about me. A list of love. It is not meant for my vanity. I feel almost like I have amnesia. I had past letters from friends and lovers I had kept. I got rid of them when I got married. I wish I wouldn’t have. The words, even though the emotions are gone, are still beautiful.
Cannibals eat the people they respect. They consume the person to gain the attributes they want. I am the Crow chasing the Butterfly. When I catch her, I will be beautiful.
What I know for sure
It is a very mixed blessing to be brought back from the dead.
“There isn’t much better in this life than finding a way to spend a few hours in conversation with people you respect and love. You have to carve this time out of your life because you aren’t really living without it.”
Although a few of my relationships have burnt out last summer, some have been rekindled. Some I didn’t even realize could be brought back. It is amazing how some friends you can go forever without speaking, and in a flash it is as if time had stopped just for you.
After I joined the Navy I hated coming home. I miss and love my family, but I would run into people I had been friends with and wonder how they got stuck where they were. I am by no means saying I am better than them. I just chose to live my life in a different manor. I found there are two people when I go home- that I cannot live without: Mark and Katie. I have known Mark since I was 9 months old and Katie since first grade.
“>The shifts of Fortune test the reliability of friends.”
Although I would love to go on about how amazing Mark is (and he is), this note is going to be based off my happenings with Katie. Katie, as I said, is one of my oldest friends. We grew appart when I moved schools. We spent quite a few years not being in communication. Lucky for me, Mark and Katie had started dating during Katie and my off years. When I would come home on leave, not only did I get to see my brother, but also Katie. It was hard not to rekindle that childhood friendship.
“Friendship is certainly the finest balm for the pangs of disappointed love.”
Last summer was a rough one for me. I made many life altering, show stopping choices. It was the summer my marriage ended and my new life began. I wasn't planning on it happening when it did. Katie and I got the crazy idea she should come stay with me for a week. It was an amazing week.
We talked about love, heart ache (her and Mark had been over for a while by then), life, and dreams. We laughed and lived. It was good to breath with her again. I confided in her the heart break I was going through, knowing Eric and I weren't working. Although she never said she was for or against my decisions, she supported me through the choices I made. She didn't back down, and she was there for me when I crashed. My friend of sixteen (at the time) years was the one to witness my fall and rebirth.
I don't know if she knows it. I don't know what all I said or showed, but her being there that week is the only thing that kept me going at the time.
“Never explain-your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway.”
I have learned that to be the truest statement. I didn't have to argue my point. Katie held my hand when I needed it. True friendship is loving and understanding. Katie and I still don't get to talk much. I see her even less. Still, I know she is one of my truest and dearest friends. She will always be my love to laugh with and my shoulder to cry on. Time doesn't matter in a friendship like ours.
"I no doubt deserved my enemies, but I don't believe I deserved my friends.”
Since last summer I have made some amazing friends, and I have been blessed to still keep some of my old ones. I have not gone hungry or without. I have always been blessed. I don't know what I have done to deserve these amazing people, but to all of you who are in my life, Thank You. I can not say it sincerely or eloquently enough. I love you, and I don't know where I would be without you.
Dear God
Dear God,
Please intervene and help end this divorce. My husband and I have failed at our marriage and now we are failing at our divorce. This poisonous process is bringing suffering to us and to everyone who cares about us.
I recognize that you are busy with wars and tragedies and much larger conflicts than the ongoing dispute of one dysfunctional couple. But it is my understanding that the health of the planet is affected by the health of every individual on it. As long as even two souls are locked in conflict, the while world is contaminated by it. Similarly, if even one or two souls can be free from discord, this will increase the general health of the whole world, the way a few healthy cells in a body can increase the general health of that body.
It is my most humble request, then, that you help us end this conflict, so that two people can have the chance to become free and healthy, and so there will be just a little bit less animosity and bitterness in a world that is already far too troubled by suffering.
I thank you for your kind attention.
Respectfully,
Elizabeth M. Gilbert
(And now Whitney N. Williams)
Please intervene and help end this divorce. My husband and I have failed at our marriage and now we are failing at our divorce. This poisonous process is bringing suffering to us and to everyone who cares about us.
I recognize that you are busy with wars and tragedies and much larger conflicts than the ongoing dispute of one dysfunctional couple. But it is my understanding that the health of the planet is affected by the health of every individual on it. As long as even two souls are locked in conflict, the while world is contaminated by it. Similarly, if even one or two souls can be free from discord, this will increase the general health of the whole world, the way a few healthy cells in a body can increase the general health of that body.
It is my most humble request, then, that you help us end this conflict, so that two people can have the chance to become free and healthy, and so there will be just a little bit less animosity and bitterness in a world that is already far too troubled by suffering.
I thank you for your kind attention.
Respectfully,
Elizabeth M. Gilbert
(And now Whitney N. Williams)
3 a.m. Hot Chocolate
It has been a minute since I have put anything up here. I guess I should throw an update out there.
Eric got back September 15th. I don’t think the homecoming was anything like either of us was hoping for. In fact, I know it wasn’t. We ended up having a major blow out and I left. We have had MANY since. Originally, Eric wanted Owen and I to go back to Illinois. I knew it would be the smarter- safer option for myself, however, I couldn’t take Owen away from his father. Besides, I knew Eric was speaking out of anger and would later regret his decision, so I started looking for a job.
Eric and I have our good days and bad days. I don’t think either of us understands the way that the other person’s brain works. Eric told me last night (after another blow out- admittedly mostly my fault) that someone told him “You are going to go from hating her, to being head over heals in love. Happy to sad, angry to numb, then back through it all again.” I think one of the hardest things is seeing Eric going from so closed and emotionless to not knowing how to handle the overabundance of emotion.
I started a position with ACCESS Systems on the 28th of September. I was actually hired for this position two years ago by a man names Wyatt Nash (isn’t that a bad ass name), however it fell through when the female I was replacing had a major family crisis. Wyatt was very helpful after that. He tried pulling strings to find me a new position. He also gave me critiques and advise to help improve myself.
When everything fell through with Eric, I called Wyatt to see if he had any new positions available. He actually remembered me (it pays to be tenacious), and put in a good word for me. I interviewed on a Tuesday and had a phone call by Thursday. I started that following Monday.
I am working on the JFCOM base. I love it. There is something so beautiful about the plain walls, the labyrinth of a building I work in, and all the secrets it holds. The military is so alluring to me. The order. The discipline. The structure. There is something sexy about structure to me. I work with a great group of people. I have always been very blessed when it comes to the people I work with. I already found smoke deck buddies, and learning a little more than I probably should. Everyone on this base (for the most part) is quite a bit older than me. This is a big wig base. FULL of Four Stars, it can be a bit intimidating.
I will admit… I have to use a cipher lock to enter the room I work in, it totally makes me feel like a bad ass.
Owen and I moved into our new place on the 16th, and everything is rolling from there. It is only a one bedroom, but it fits Owen, Roxy, and me beautifully. Nysha came with me when I first got the keys. I hadn’t seen the layout of a one bedroom yet and was prepared for a tiny dark prison. At least it would be all mine. We opened the door, held our breath and BAM!!! Heaven!!! I have a good size entry way with a coat closet. A HUGE living, dining are. HUGE!!! The kitchen is small; however I don’t really cook, nor need a large one. The bedroom is ridiculously large. I have Owens crib and dresser on one half and my queen sized mattress on the other and it still has tons of room. I forgot to mention Roxy’s kennel is in the bedroom also. I have a walk in closet larger than my dining area at my last apartment, and another small closet on Owen’s side of the room. There is also another LARGE closet in the hall and plenty of storage in the bathroom.
I didn’t have any real furniture when I moved in. I have Owen’s furniture, a computer desk, a Japanese nightstand, and a couple of book shelves. I got lucky one morning and found a cream leather sofa someone had just put out on the curb. My friend helped me move it up stairs, and all of a sudden it looks cute up in my little place.
I hung my art up and pulled my trinkets out. I painted the knobs on my white cabinets red Along with a red shelf, dish drainer, and a red accented rug, my kitchen has a cute retro feel to it. Ms. Ivy gave me some beautiful pictures and goodies for my bathroom. My friend (unknowingly) helped give me an amazing layout for my living room. It is a cute, cozy, welcoming little home.
I had a PS tell me the other day he envied me for just packing my stuff and going. He said he would be terrified to start over with nothing. It isn’t that bad. I can breathe now. I feel stronger. I am confidant that everything will slowly start to take shape. I have what I need, what else could I ask for.
My patio is directly across from one of my best friends. We can stand in our apartments and talk. My other close friend and work are both UNDER four miles from where I live. My shopping and bar are also less than two miles. I am safe, warm, and secure where I am now. I know it will be difficult. I know I am stepping out with a decision that will affect many people. I think in the end it is all for the best. This is the first time in years I have been this happy and this secure in life. This is the first time I have looked at the future with this much hope.
I am happy.
Eric got back September 15th. I don’t think the homecoming was anything like either of us was hoping for. In fact, I know it wasn’t. We ended up having a major blow out and I left. We have had MANY since. Originally, Eric wanted Owen and I to go back to Illinois. I knew it would be the smarter- safer option for myself, however, I couldn’t take Owen away from his father. Besides, I knew Eric was speaking out of anger and would later regret his decision, so I started looking for a job.
Eric and I have our good days and bad days. I don’t think either of us understands the way that the other person’s brain works. Eric told me last night (after another blow out- admittedly mostly my fault) that someone told him “You are going to go from hating her, to being head over heals in love. Happy to sad, angry to numb, then back through it all again.” I think one of the hardest things is seeing Eric going from so closed and emotionless to not knowing how to handle the overabundance of emotion.
I started a position with ACCESS Systems on the 28th of September. I was actually hired for this position two years ago by a man names Wyatt Nash (isn’t that a bad ass name), however it fell through when the female I was replacing had a major family crisis. Wyatt was very helpful after that. He tried pulling strings to find me a new position. He also gave me critiques and advise to help improve myself.
When everything fell through with Eric, I called Wyatt to see if he had any new positions available. He actually remembered me (it pays to be tenacious), and put in a good word for me. I interviewed on a Tuesday and had a phone call by Thursday. I started that following Monday.
I am working on the JFCOM base. I love it. There is something so beautiful about the plain walls, the labyrinth of a building I work in, and all the secrets it holds. The military is so alluring to me. The order. The discipline. The structure. There is something sexy about structure to me. I work with a great group of people. I have always been very blessed when it comes to the people I work with. I already found smoke deck buddies, and learning a little more than I probably should. Everyone on this base (for the most part) is quite a bit older than me. This is a big wig base. FULL of Four Stars, it can be a bit intimidating.
I will admit… I have to use a cipher lock to enter the room I work in, it totally makes me feel like a bad ass.
Owen and I moved into our new place on the 16th, and everything is rolling from there. It is only a one bedroom, but it fits Owen, Roxy, and me beautifully. Nysha came with me when I first got the keys. I hadn’t seen the layout of a one bedroom yet and was prepared for a tiny dark prison. At least it would be all mine. We opened the door, held our breath and BAM!!! Heaven!!! I have a good size entry way with a coat closet. A HUGE living, dining are. HUGE!!! The kitchen is small; however I don’t really cook, nor need a large one. The bedroom is ridiculously large. I have Owens crib and dresser on one half and my queen sized mattress on the other and it still has tons of room. I forgot to mention Roxy’s kennel is in the bedroom also. I have a walk in closet larger than my dining area at my last apartment, and another small closet on Owen’s side of the room. There is also another LARGE closet in the hall and plenty of storage in the bathroom.
I didn’t have any real furniture when I moved in. I have Owen’s furniture, a computer desk, a Japanese nightstand, and a couple of book shelves. I got lucky one morning and found a cream leather sofa someone had just put out on the curb. My friend helped me move it up stairs, and all of a sudden it looks cute up in my little place.
I hung my art up and pulled my trinkets out. I painted the knobs on my white cabinets red Along with a red shelf, dish drainer, and a red accented rug, my kitchen has a cute retro feel to it. Ms. Ivy gave me some beautiful pictures and goodies for my bathroom. My friend (unknowingly) helped give me an amazing layout for my living room. It is a cute, cozy, welcoming little home.
I had a PS tell me the other day he envied me for just packing my stuff and going. He said he would be terrified to start over with nothing. It isn’t that bad. I can breathe now. I feel stronger. I am confidant that everything will slowly start to take shape. I have what I need, what else could I ask for.
My patio is directly across from one of my best friends. We can stand in our apartments and talk. My other close friend and work are both UNDER four miles from where I live. My shopping and bar are also less than two miles. I am safe, warm, and secure where I am now. I know it will be difficult. I know I am stepping out with a decision that will affect many people. I think in the end it is all for the best. This is the first time in years I have been this happy and this secure in life. This is the first time I have looked at the future with this much hope.
I am happy.
Poo-tee-weet?
I am an avid reader. I love reading. There is so much you can learn from it, for example The Field of Dreams states that heaven is in Iowa. I thought Iowa was just a word they threw in they made a list of the States, I didn’t know it actually existed. I will have to admit, I can’t see how it would be there. Heaven is in Norfolk, at a rundown apartment complex. It only takes up around 800 square feet. The walls and cabinets are all painted a stark white, and the bathroom tile and appliances are still blue from the 60’s. There is only cold water for the washer, and it leaks. And lastly there is a horrible patching job, where a previous resident must have kicked a hole in the wall.
However, whoever steps foot in this heaven doesn’t see those things. They see a bright kitchen, with red knobs on white cabinets. They can smell the lavender soap coming from the never ending laundry, and the happy pictures of family and friends in the hall. No one ever sees the patch work.
When you step into heaven, you see a modest home. Home is the key word. It is warm, and colorful inside heaven. It clean, but not perfect. It is welcoming. There is always a toy scattered somewhere on the floor, and maybe a hidden puddle of drool, and a kiss from a loving dog. If you curl on the love seat, she is more than happy to keep your feet warm.
There is no cable or internet in heaven, and somehow while you are there, you forget those are “necessities” for human life. Instead there are cards, books, board games, and many wonderful conversations. The music in Heaven is the laughter of friends and singing of a nine month old.
For how small heaven might sound, there is actually plenty of room. Mother, child, and furry companion have more than enough room to stretch out, or dance around together.
In the mornings Roxy and I sneak out while Owen sleeps. I lock the door, Roxy relieves herself, and I smoke a morning cigarette. As soon as Roxy and I are done, we race up the stairs, unlock the door, and begin our day. As Roxy eats breakfast while I shower and get ready for work. As soon as I am done with my hair, Owen starts his morning song.
I get Owen ready, and watch him play with Roxy as I pack my lunch. After we put Roxy away we make the small journey to Nysha’s. I kiss him, say good bye, and am off to work for the day. 1600 rolls around and I am on my way home.
When I walk in the door, Owen rushes over. I love that. I scoop him up, and after a few minutes of chatting, and we are on our way home. After we let Roxy out, I put on some music with a beat, and as I feed Owen we dance together. At six Owen is ready for bed. Roxy lies next to his crib as I sing him a lullaby and say his bed time prayers.
After Owen is asleep I clean up what little mess there is and relax with Roxy. By eight thirty I am brushing my teeth, washing my face, and finishing my routine. Nine o’clock Roxy and I are crawling in bed. She lets me lay down first and curls up against me on my right side.
I realized while writing this how heaven is where I choose it to be. Honestly, I don’t want to be in Norfolk. I like my job and love my friends, but I miss my family. HOWEVER- I am in heaven here. My best friend lives across from me, and my few other good friends aren’t far. As far as the few things that might be wrong with my apartment, there are so many more amazing things. I am so happy.
However, whoever steps foot in this heaven doesn’t see those things. They see a bright kitchen, with red knobs on white cabinets. They can smell the lavender soap coming from the never ending laundry, and the happy pictures of family and friends in the hall. No one ever sees the patch work.
When you step into heaven, you see a modest home. Home is the key word. It is warm, and colorful inside heaven. It clean, but not perfect. It is welcoming. There is always a toy scattered somewhere on the floor, and maybe a hidden puddle of drool, and a kiss from a loving dog. If you curl on the love seat, she is more than happy to keep your feet warm.
There is no cable or internet in heaven, and somehow while you are there, you forget those are “necessities” for human life. Instead there are cards, books, board games, and many wonderful conversations. The music in Heaven is the laughter of friends and singing of a nine month old.
For how small heaven might sound, there is actually plenty of room. Mother, child, and furry companion have more than enough room to stretch out, or dance around together.
In the mornings Roxy and I sneak out while Owen sleeps. I lock the door, Roxy relieves herself, and I smoke a morning cigarette. As soon as Roxy and I are done, we race up the stairs, unlock the door, and begin our day. As Roxy eats breakfast while I shower and get ready for work. As soon as I am done with my hair, Owen starts his morning song.
I get Owen ready, and watch him play with Roxy as I pack my lunch. After we put Roxy away we make the small journey to Nysha’s. I kiss him, say good bye, and am off to work for the day. 1600 rolls around and I am on my way home.
When I walk in the door, Owen rushes over. I love that. I scoop him up, and after a few minutes of chatting, and we are on our way home. After we let Roxy out, I put on some music with a beat, and as I feed Owen we dance together. At six Owen is ready for bed. Roxy lies next to his crib as I sing him a lullaby and say his bed time prayers.
After Owen is asleep I clean up what little mess there is and relax with Roxy. By eight thirty I am brushing my teeth, washing my face, and finishing my routine. Nine o’clock Roxy and I are crawling in bed. She lets me lay down first and curls up against me on my right side.
I realized while writing this how heaven is where I choose it to be. Honestly, I don’t want to be in Norfolk. I like my job and love my friends, but I miss my family. HOWEVER- I am in heaven here. My best friend lives across from me, and my few other good friends aren’t far. As far as the few things that might be wrong with my apartment, there are so many more amazing things. I am so happy.
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