“We have to continually be jumping off cliffs and developing our wings on the way down.”

I want to be sexy.  I want to be curvy and all that is woman.  I want Lucky's friends and co-workers to think he did a good job.  I want to be beautiful.

I did not wear my first spaghetti strap without anything over it until I joined the navy.  Too much skin, and having larger breasts like I did back then, made it hard to wear cute clothes without being obscene.  I still am uncomfortable in a bikini.  Not from the baby body... but anyone can see the crease where my butt meets my thigh.  That is so private!  I have a friend who wears leggings with cute little shirts.  She is adorable.  I would die.  I don't think leggings are inappropriate... I am just not comfortable with my butt showing.  My neighbor had me wear an incredibly low cut (for my standards) hugging dress for my husbands Christmas party.  Lucky loved it.  I wore my trench coat most of the party or was trying to adjust the dress the whole time.

Now that I am a mother I need to represent the woman my son should marry and the woman my daughter should strive to be.  I think in some aspects it is easy.  I am scared of mini skirts and plunging neck lines.  My dresses fit well but don't show off too much.  It is a lot easier now that I don't have as much to show.

So how does being "sexy" fit into my version of personal modesty?  I feel sexy in dark denim shorts and a white tee shirt.  I love the way I feel in some of my long sleeve shirts and a good pair of jeans.  Honestly, I am uncomfortable in the dresses I made.  When the wind blows, I have to pull a Marilyn Monroe if I am not wearing a petty coat (Note 1.  Petty Coats were made for more than filling out a skirt.  Note 2. I need cuter underwear.).  More than all that I feel sexy when I catch my husband checking me out.

I have never been an overly girly girl.  I have very muted colors in my wardrobe and not much frill.  I have embraced my style.  It fits my standards and I feel good in it.  When I feel good, I look good.  Even if my nails are chipped and I just can get the "messy pony tail" to look right (how do you mess up a messy pony tail?), I feel good, over all.

I define my sexiness by who I am.  My eyes are my favorite feature.  Apparently, I have a nice voice for a woman even if it is lower.  I laugh and smile a lot.  Those little lines around my eyes and mouths will grow to be my crowing beauties.  I am happy.  I look good with clothes on.  My style fits ME.  I have a good sense of humor.  I am well read and even through my failed High School years, I scored high enough on my ACT to get into a couple Ivy League Universities- meaning I didn't have to take an entrance exam for the school I am going to (Thank you, GOD!!! I was worried about it).  I am nerdy.  I am unique.  I am sexy because I am who I am.

Last note:  As I am writing this, I am so sun burnt it is purple, my hair was only half blow dried, I have a mix of Cheerios's and apple sauce under my nails and no makeup on.  My husband would still say I was beautiful right now.  Never settle for a person who does not see your beauty even on your not so pretty days.

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